Do your relationships make or break you?
Our relationships literally have the power to make or break us. At least, according to most science.
While I am a scientist who studies the impact of relationships on people’s mental health (both for better and for worse), I am actually writing to you today because I have witnessed incredible magick happen in my relationships through my involvement with the Modern Mystery School. So today, I will write to you about the science, but carefully season and salt it with a healthy dose of personal experience.
If there is anything that psychologists and psychiatrists can agree upon, it’s that people who have experienced maltreatment in relationships are deeply impacted by them. This ‘maltreatment’ can be psychological and emotional maltreatment (very common), physical maltreatment (less common) or sexual maltreatment (the most rare). Physical and emotional maltreatment are then broken down into abuse (too much negative treatment) and neglect (not enough positive treatment). What’s common amongst all of these types, though, is that *usually* people who have experienced them go on to live harder lives.
You see, when you are young, your brain starts to formulate a ‘logical’ picture of who you are in relation to your environment. When you’re a baby, you begin to understand your own identity through the lens of other people - this is why we all mimick babies’ actions so readily. When they smile, we smile. When they cry, we make a sad face before comforting them. This is how children first start to understand ‘who they are’, as humans at least!
At this young age, our brain isn’t *quite* developed readily enough to understand that sometimes when people treat us poorly, it’s just *not about us*. Instead, we take on these negative experiences (maltreatment for the scientists in the room) as ‘our fault’. These early relational experiences go on to inform our future relational experiences (i.e. interactions with other people).
Basically what I’m saying is that your negative experiences are *probably* impacting the way you interact with other people today. When we talk about ‘mommy issues’ or ‘daddy issues’, it’s because primary caregivers influence our social perceptions dramatically, and the negative experiences we have with our parents (again, common), which remain unresolved through the life course manifest as *issues*.
Good news, though. Emerging evidence is beginning to show that having positive relationships (like with a teacher or librarian who believes in you) or good emotional awareness (which I bet you have!) can have a protective effect on your cognitive perceptions. In other words, positive relationships and qualities self-esteem, resilience, and positive mental representations of other people protect you from unfavourable mental health (this is my research- I’ll link it below if you want to check it out).
But what do those of us who have ‘had a hard upbringing’–whether that’s because of maltreatment or just because living on Earth can be, um, *tricky* sometimes–do? Because science says that even after decades of psychological intervention, people still think about relationships based on their negative experiences.
That is, until magick enters the scene. The empirical evidence pending here, give me a few years, please! In the meantime, I’ll tell you what happened to me.
I was on a trajectory to an unfulfilling life riddled with mediocre relationships, where I wasn’t honored, respected or understood. In work and my personal life I had made countless compromises to ‘be accepted’.
When I found the Modern Mystery School, I was just looking for something that would make me feel better in my relationships, including the one with myself. And I am far from alone when I say that across the board, my relationships have transformed because of the lineage. I’ll list just a few examples:
My business partnership was alchemized and restructured after I attended Healers Academy
My relationship with my PhD supervisor was completely revolutionized through Universal Hermetic Ray Kabbalah (think avoiding-each-other-like-the-plague to healthy-working-relationship!)
My relationship with myself was forged by fire when I made a hard decision and walk away from a (pretty good) life that I didn’t enjoy after Ritual Master 2
My relationship with my boyfriend wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have the tools from the lineage to take accountability for my limiting patterns and beliefs
The list is endless.
All of this is really to say that if you are struggling in any way with relationships to please keep going.
The cool thing about both magick and relationships is that they have a way of weaving themselves into every element of your life. It’s hard to get away from relationships, and if the gateways in your mind are open (even just a crack), it’s hard to get away from magick, too.
Pursue this path, and let the relationship magick happen.
